Monday, March 15, 2010

Scrapping the Deen Project.

I got the book. I should have browsed it before ordering it, but at least it cost next to nothing. Holy shit. This woman really can't cook, and just buries it under Ritz crackers and cups of butter. There is no way I could put that many containers of Tofutti and Earth Balance through any of that. The PCRM was right; I thought they meant worst as in it's lack of nutrition, but seriously, folks. This chick makes my arch-nemesis Sandra Lee look like Julia-freaking-Child. Here's a gem from Main Courses:

Cheeseburger Meat Loaf and Sauce
2 lbs ground cow
2 tsp House Seasoning (salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Fancy!)
1 medium onion, chopped
1 medium bell pepper, chopped (the veggies stop there)
1 cup grated cheddar
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1 cup sour cream
1 cup crushed Ritz crackers
1 tsp Lawry's Seasoned salt
8-10 slices of white bread.

Now, for the sauce:
One 10 3/4-ounce can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 soup-can measure of milk
1 1/2 cups grated cheddar

I imagined subbing Gimme Lean for the cow, vegan versions of Worcestershire, cheese, and sour cream, and it still sounded like something I'd find splattered on the sidewalk on a Saturday morning walk to work.

I'm keeping the book, though. It will remind me why I'm vegan, and will make for good drunken conversations. I can make trashy American food without her help, and have it be delicious.

Back to the drawing board. There must be a "good" omni book out there I could rewrite. Right?


Tami said...

I agree, she is the worst! I love your comment about Sandra Lee, too. It's so scary that these people have shows! I'll admit that I was anxious to see how you were going to make her recipes good, but the whole idea is incredibly daunting.

You'll find the book for you!

Bianca said...

Aw, I still think it'd be fun to see you try to veganize some of that stuff. Believe it or not, I actually grew up eating food like that and it was actually pretty darn tasty. Horrible for me, I'm sure. And now I'd never think of using every ingredient from a box or can. But I guess I have some weird sentimental-ness with that sort of white trash cookin. But you're right — you would waste a lot of overpriced vegan substitutes. The omni versions of sour cream, cream cheese, cheddar, etc. are cheap. But not for us...:-(

Penny said...

I just found your blog and have been enjoying it very much. Your cats are gorgeous and I particularly like the photo of the one with his/her head in the potatoes!
Did you mock up that recipe book cover yourself? It's great!

Megan said...

No, I just image googled "deen" and some other word like "disgusting" and came up with that.

jenny said...

it's people like paula deen that make things like the KFC double-down possible. i have to admit, i giggled when she got hit in the face with a ham

Lliz said...

Your blog is hilarious. I'm happy you told me how to find it.

Michelle (Red Headed Book Child) said...

That cover is hilarious. Sean and I love to see listen to her Southern accent get well, more Southern the popular she gets.
Not that I wish harm on this kind women, which I'm sure she is, but I did giggle when she got hit in the head with one of her hams at some charity function.
he he

I don't mind Sandra Lee now but Rachael Ray needs to find a cliff to accindentally trip over.

Amy B. said...

Haha funny! Well at least you found 1 recipe worth blogging about. Haha, thanks for sharing though! If you don't mind I also would like to share your blog to other Foodista readers by just adding the foodista widget at the end of this post. Thanks and keep on blogging. I am enjoying your site! :-)

DallasRising said...

People actually eat like that?! WTF?!